How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We're too hungover to prance.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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