just tell him i said nine months
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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