I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
