Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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