i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize