On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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