I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
