I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize