Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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