oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
