Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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