Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
