Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
