hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
