dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
