i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
