Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
