Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
