I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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