I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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