ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
