he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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