whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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