How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
