I've blown a few things in my day
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bring money and cleavage
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
