Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
