Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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