apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
