Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize