I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
