It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
