you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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