well you can't waste a boner
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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