When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
