My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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