you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
