Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
