What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
