just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
