it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
