Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
