you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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