Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
