??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
