I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
