this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
