can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
