But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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