he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
