guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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