Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
only you would photoshop your dick
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
