goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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