Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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