is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
