Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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