I puked a lego.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
