It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
