you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
