based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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