A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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