hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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