my room smells like sperm. sweet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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