the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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