The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
