The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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