shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
