oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
not ubering you a puppy
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
