I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
