**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize