youre lurking in front of me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
