I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
