I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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