walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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