I look better un-naked...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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