Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
