I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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