if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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