I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
