what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
