i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
