$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize