I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
