I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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