Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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