Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
