I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize