i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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