Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
