My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
