i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
