So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
