i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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