he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
