Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
