You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need moral support for this bender
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
