just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
