thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize