woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
