I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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