I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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