Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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