He asked me if I "almost moaned"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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