I smell stomach acid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
