well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
