i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize