I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
