I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
