What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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