Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
