God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
